The First Church of Al Gore's Beard
Welcome, fellow worshippers! The First Church of Al Gore's Beard was founded by the news media on the belief that analyzing the facial hair of our former Vice-President can enable us to see the future, particularly the 2004 presidential election. And I, Vince Young of WMEL Radio, have been selected to lead this church so that our knowledge can be used for good, not evil.
	There is no Gore but Al, and Joe Lieberman is his lackey.
Divining the future from Al Gore's facial hair is not an easy process, nor is it simple. And alas, I cannot divulge many of the details of our secret ritualistic procedures, other than that it involves a rubber hose, a cat, 26 jars of Bondo, and a copy of Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto. But now, for the first time ever, I can give you, who may be curious about this fine religion, a glimpse into some of the ancient prophecies that we consult when making our predictions for the future. I now read to you from the Hallowed Book of AP. (No, not Associated Press. Just "Ap.") And it came to pass in the 19th century that a man of great stature and immensely hairy chin did run for the presidency, and this man was called Rutherford B. Hayes. And there was much celebration, for many people wanted to vote for him and not for that obvious loser, Samuel J. Tilden. So, many fathers voted for Rutherford B. Hayes, and many more sons voted unto their fathers, and many more people voted unto themselves, both early and often. But lo, this was illegal, and caused great weeping and wailing in Washington DC. The Almighty Congress was forced to intervene, and they struck a compromise. Rutherford B. Hayes would be allowed to serve as President anyway, but only if he was the last man with a beard to do so. As you can see, according to the Hallowed Book of AP, because Al Gore is wearing a beard, we can safely assume for now that he will not run for the presidency in 2004. This is The Truth. It absolutely must be true, and if your faith in Al Gore's beard is true, then you will have no doubts of this. And if Al Gore shaves off his beard tomorrow, I will quickly erase this page and deny everything while I try to find another pseudo-religious movement to concoct. Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to type that here. In the meantime, send money! Al Gore's beard demands a tithe of 39.6%, with appropriate income tithing credits for families with children. Beware these false Gores! Jonathan Frakes, who played Commander Riker on Star Trek: The Next Generation, often tries to mimic the One True Gore. See in this picture his devilish attempt to match the natural tilt of the head of Al Gore? But pay attention, and you'll see that Frakes has a bit more hair on top of his head, making it possible to tell the difference. Don't be fooled. Bruce Boxleitner, also known as Captain Sheridan from Babylon 5, has created a much craftier imitation of the One True Gore. The shape of his face, his serious expression, all of it a masterful copy of Gore. Indeed, this man is a clever imposter! The only way to tell him from the real Gore is to ask about the Dingle-Norwood Bill. If he does not understand you then he is not the One True Gore. The uncanny resemblance of Al Gore and Vladimir Lenin has led some to speculate that Al Gore is the reincarnation of Lenin. This is heresy! Do not entertain such thoughts, for there is but One True Gore, and he has always been here to take care of us. Most dangerous of all is the Anti-Gore! He will poison your drinking water, pollute your air, give all of your money to rich people, and conquer the world with a missle defense system. Do not let his tax rebate bribe you into complacency, for the Anti-Gore is up to no good and must be stopped! Go now in the peace of Al Gore's beard.

Okay, there you have it: the world-famous First Church of Al Gore's Beard. Wasn't that worth 5 minutes of your life? ;) Hopefully you'll enjoy the rest of the site a bit better than that. You can also click here to learn about the origin of the First Church of Al Gore's Beard.

 

About Me

My name is Vince Young, and I am NOT a football player. I'm a young resident of Palm Bay, the largest city along the Space Coast in Florida, and I used to be a local radio talk-show host on AM-1300 WMEL in Cocoa, a bit north of Palm Bay. This site serves as an outlet for me to discuss news and events in Brevard County, local politics, and state and national news, as well as whatever random stuff catches my fancy. To learn more, click here.

 

Recent posts

	Most recent entry
	Election Night coverage on AM-1300 WMEL (11/5/12)
	Staying on-message (3/2/12)
	Catching Up Linkapalooza (6/3/10)
	Going out with a bang! (5/20/10)
	The end is near for The Vince Young Show (5/19/10)
	Spending like there's no tomorrow -- even though there is (5/17/10)
	Libraries: so poor, they're burning money to stay warm! (5/13/10)
	Cocoa and Titusville keep looking for ways to spend your money (5/12/10)
	Crist gets slick on oil; Brevard's budget woes (5/11/10)
	Tonight: the FairTax and special guest Earl Medlen! (5/5/10)
	Next week's tentative schedule (5/1/10)
	Infantini wants answers; oil slick spreads; Crist get blasted (4/30/10)
	Thursday night's FairTax show postponed!!! (4/29/10)
	Crist goes indie; I got something wrong (4/28/10)
	Tallahassee approves red-light cameras AND keeps spending your money (4/27/10)
	Two chances to meet me this weekend! (4/22/10)
	Will oil rig explosion sink offshore drilling in Florida? (4/22/10)
	Crist might go indie; FCAT gets declawed (4/20/10)
	Commissioners: "Private property rights? When pigs fly!" (4/19/10)
	Zen and the Art of Debt Maintenance (4/15/10)
	And CONSERVATIVES are the mean ones? (4/13/10)
	Is the Cocoa City Council trying to sneak Holiday On Ice through? (4/8/10)
	Merit pay lacks merit; Commissioners okay sweetheart land deal (4/6/10)
	And you ask why I'm a Libertarian? (4/5/10)
	Taking bullying seriously; self-defense under attack (3/30/10)
	Today's magic word is: REPEAL (3/29/10)
	Both parties face death threats; Obama breaks tax pledge (3/25/10)
	It's 8 o'clock. Do you know where your Congresswoman is? (3/23/10)
	Pelosi deems Constitution to be irrelevant (3/16/10)
	Rockledge approves ASR; USA's credit rating on the brink (3/15/10)
	Rockledge debates ASR; Cocoa cools off on outdoor ice rink (3/10/10)
	Comptroller proposal gains steam; should school buses become taxis? (3/8/10)
	Something smells rotten in the city of Rockledge -- your water! (3/4/10)
	Money well-spent; money mis-spent (3/2/10)
	Hey Viera: quit spending money you don't have! (2/25/10)
	It's BAAAA-AAAACK! Obama-Care lurches up from the grave (2/22/10)
	IRS attacked in Austin; hunters under fire in Rockledge (2/18/10)
	You want it? You pay for it! (2/16/10)
	Ex-con meets Castle Doctrine; protestors oppose offshore drilling (2/15/10)
	Name blame game; impact fees may stay dormant (2/9/10)
	Jim Ford gets silly; illegals get counted; government gets expensive (2/4/10)
	Local races start heating up; federal payroll hits all-time high (2/3/10)
	Obama and Crist: spending goes up, popularity goes down (2/1/10)
	Oil's clean record; Crist wants tax cuts; county waste watch (1/27/10)
	Obama pays lip service to national debt. How about paying money instead? (1/26/10)
	Democrats finally listen on health care, but still can't stop spending your money (1/21/10)
	Massachusetts on red alert; new state tax hampers business (1/19/10)
	Happy MLK Jr. Day; Nye vs. Bolin; Crist vs. Crist (1/18/10)
	Obama takes aim at banks; Cocoa Beach installs red-light camera (1/14/10)
	County still bleeding cash; Cocoa shoots themselves in the foot (1/13/10)
	Quake hits Haiti, ice hits Florida, race hits Harry (1/12/10)
	Snow and guns in Cocoa; Greer bows out (1/7/10)
	Cocoa ice-rink meltdown; redistricting fight looms (1/4/10)

 

Ex Post Facto

	What is Ex Post Facto?
	Well, THAT was useful... (2/24/09)
	Gun paranoia strikes again (2/21/09)
	Penny-wise, pound-foolish (11/19/08)
	Why I won't miss Dave Weldon (10/13/08)
	September 12th (9/12/08)
	"I'm suuuuuuuuuing!" (9/3/08)
	Jokers with screenshots (8/25/08)
	A word from the Odd Bird (8/25/08)
	A good, clean fight (8/11/08)
	Who's greedier? (8/5/08)
	VINCE SMASH!!! (8/4/08)
	The First Church of Al Gore's Beard (7/30/08)
	Melbourne Beach versus Walgreens: a fight that never had to happen (7/18/08)

 

Archives

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	March 2010
	February 2010
	January 2010
	December 2009
	November 2009
	October 2009
	September 2009 (no entries)
	August 2009 (no entries)
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	April 2009
	March 2009
	February 2009
	January 2009 (no entries)
	December 2008
	November 2008
	October 2008
	September 2008
	August 2008
	July 2008
	2007
	First Church of Al Gore's Beard

 

Links

	Brevard County Supervisor of Elections
	Brevard County Government
	Brevard County Schools
	Florida Today  - Opinion section
	Hometown News: Brevard County edition You know that free local newspaper you throw away every week? Yeah, this is that one.
	Florida Capital News
	House of the Odd Bird A slice-of-life blog from my wife, Cake Buzzard.
	Campaign For Liberty: Brevard County A local group of conservative activists. Get involved!
	The Talk-To-Me Station AM-1300 WMEL The home of my old radio show.
	Bill Mick Daily program notes from NewsTalk 1240/1350 WMMB's local morning host.
	Steve Bussey News and notes from WMEL's brash and entertaining local weekend talker.
	Frankly Frank Z The blog of frequent Bill Mick Live guest Frank Zilaitis.
	Talk To Me Sheree Shatsky's often-updated take on news and life in Brevard County.
	Space Coast Sentinel Written by local Tea Party organizer Matthew Nye.
	Space Coast Politics Also written by Matthew Nye.
	Space Coast Conservative Written by Linda McKinney.
	Brevard News Network Providing news and commentary for the Space Coast.
	Least Significant Bits Jam writes about news, politics, and whatever's on his mind.
	Port St. John, Florida A roundtable blog about Port St. John.
	Drudge Report
	Neal Boortz America's rude awakening.
	Rollye James Direct from the edge of the lunatic fringe.
	Every Day Should Be Saturday Orson Swindle's hilarious take on college football news.
	Weather Underground: Tropical Weather  - Dr. Jeff Masters's blog
	Debunking 911 Conspiracy Theories Witty and insightful rebuttals to 9/11 conspiracy theories.
	Libertarian Party
	The FairTax

 

My representatives

	US Senate - Marco Rubio (R)
	US Senate - Bill Nelson (D)
	US House 8 - Bill Posey (R)
	FL Senate 16 - Thad Altman (R)
	FL House 53 - John Tobia (R)
	County Commission 5 - Andy Anderson (R)
	School Board 5 - Andy Ziegler
	Palm Bay - City Council  - Mayor: William Capote  - Deputy Mayor: Michele Paccione  - Council Member: Kristine Isnardi  - Council Member: Harry Santiago, Jr.  - Council Member: Ken Greene